Spoofdom Hearts
by Rokenian
Summary: Inspired by Wolf McCloud-123's "Kingdom Farce," I'm now writing my own parody of Kingdom Hearts.


_I was inspired to write my own parody of Kingdom Hearts by the story "Kingdom Farce." Hilarious story. You should check it out_

**Spoofdom Hearts**

Sora was dreaming. At least, he thought he was. He was falling through water, able to breathe. Eventually, he landed on his feet on a giant stained glass platform… underwater. Once he landed on the platform, however, gravity affected him as if he was on land… underwater.

"I knew I shouldn't have had any of Riku's 'Special Elixer.'" Sora muttered to himself.

"So much to do, so little time." A voice said. "Take your time."

"Wait, what?" Sora questioned. "Why should I take my time if there's so little of it?"

"Shut up, brat. I don't get paid to answer questions." The voice replied.

"Does that mean you're going to be saying a lot of vague stuff and not explain any of it?" Sora asked.

"Yep."

"Great." Sora groaned.

"Now let's get back on track." The voice cleared its throat. "Step forward. Can you do it?"

"Are you really doing this? Questioning my ability to walk?" Sora asked, completely forgetting that the voice wouldn't explain anything. "Fine." He walked to the middle of the platform.

Three pedestals appeared around the platform. On top of each floated a weapon. One was a shield, another a staff, the last a sword.

"Oh! Gimme the sword!" Sora hopped onto the pedestal with the sword and grabbed it.

"I was supposed to give some vague speech about the sword, but my favorite soap opera is on, so let's just make this quick." The voice said. "Pick one to give up."

"The sheild." Sora immediately answered.

"Really? Did you even give that any consideration?"

"Shields are for wimps!"

"Fine. Have it your way." The pedestals sank into the platform, and then the platform broke.

Sora screamed like a prepubescent boy as he fell further into the depths of… wherever he was. He continued to scream even after he safely landed on another large platform.

"Shut up!" The voice commanded.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!"

"_Shut up!_"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

"SHUT UP!"

"AAAAAAA- what? Oh, sorry."

"Little brat." The voice muttered.

"What was that?"

"Nothing. Well, you'll have to fight sometimes, so, yeah, fight these low-grade monsters."

Sora swung the sword he got earlier around crazily, but he managed to hit one of the monsters.

"Good. Just keep doing that throughout your travels, and you'll be fine." The voice said. "Fight some more." And more low-grade monsters appeared.

After Sora killed them all, a bunch of darkness appeared under him. He screamed like a prepubescent boy as he was pulled in. He continued to scream even after he was safely on another platform.

"Shut up! You're so annoying!"

"AAAAAA- sorry."

"Whatever. See that crate? Push it, then break it with your sword." The voice commanded.

"Why would I do that?" Sora asked.

"If you ever want to recover from the effects of Riku's 'Special Elixer,' you'll do as I say, brat!" The voice yelled.

"Geez! Grouchy!" Sora did as the voice said.

"Great, now open that empty chest by tapping it with the sword."

Sora, having learned to not question the angry voice, obeyed.

"Great. Now throw that barrel to break it and take the Potion inside."The voice ordered.

Sora did as the voice said. He then tried to open the then solid door on the platform. A bright light engulfed him. He was back on the island where he and his friends went to play and hang out.

"Oh! Hi Wakka, Tidus, Selphie!" Sora greeted.

They just kind of stood there.

"Uh, guys?"

No response.

Sora smacked Selphie with side of his sword.

"What's your biggest fear?" Selphie asked.

"Getting old." Sora replied. "Guess they'll only respond if I smack them. Did they have any of Riku's 'Special Elixer'?" He smacked Wakka next.

"What's your goal in life?" Wakka asked.

"To see rare sights." Sora answered. He smacked Tidus.

"What's most important to you?" Tidus asked.

"My friends."

"Okay, so, you'll get stronger quickly at first, then it'll get harder near the end." The voice said.

"What?" Sora asked.

"No explanations!"

Sora was brought back to a platform in "The Slip," as the author, who is very good-looking, is calling it. A glowing green circle appeared in the middle of the platform.

"Now, step on the circle and save your game." The voice ordered.

"How do I-"

"No questions, brat!"

Sora stepped onto the circle and "saved his game," whatever that meant.

"This place is freakin' weird." Sora said.

"Shut up. I don't get paid to listen to you complain." The angry voice said.

A set of stairs appeared. Having nowhere else to go, Sora climbed them to another platform.

"Now, listen good, brat, because I'm only going to say this once." The voice cleared its throat. "The closer you get the the light, the larger your shadow becomes."

Sora's shadow indeed became larger. It also came out of the ground and became a giant monster.

"But don't be afra-"

"LEROOOOOOOOOOY JENKINS!" Sora shouted as he charged at the monster. The monster, called Darkside, just kind of stood there while Sora slashed its hands.

"You know what? **** it." The voice said.

Sora's sword disappeared and he was swallowed up by a darkness puddle thing.

Preview of next chapter!

"Okay, Sora, we'll need two logs, a cloth, and a rope." Kairi read from a list. "Think you can handle that?"

Sora didn't reply.

"Sora?"

Still no response.

Kairi looked up from her list.

Sora was looking up while swinging his arms from side to side. "Clouds are fluffy."


End file.
